Don't let me go
by thegingertwist
Summary: As Alex struggles with his new life without Izzie, an unexpected visit comes to Seattle Grace... I suck at sumaries, so please give this a chance... Addison/Alex... because I'm seriously addicted and miss them so much


_As you'll probably notice, English is not ma maternal language, so I tried to do my best but… there's probably still some (a lot of? )mistakes._

**Don't let me go**

Step One : Wise Up

It's been six months since Izzie left him. Six months of pain. Six months of questioning. Six months of work, because it's all he had. He wasn't really living, rather surviving, the sorrow lingering on him. Days after days, he spent his time in the hospital, recovering from the emotional disorder she had created. He was alone, she had break him into millions of tears he couldn't cry. He was screwed up. Literally.

Lying on his bed, he was watching at the ceiling like he expected something coming down. Thoughts twisted and turned inside his mind. He kept wondering what had pushed Izzie to leave without any more explanation. His bed seemed so cold without her, and he couldn't find some sleep, despite the fact that he was really sleep deprived since she left. He was his husband, not a random boyfriend, and she had left him like he was some vulgar guy. He told her he wasn't going anywhere, but she hadn't promised the same to him so she gave up on them. He didn't understand why she had done this, and his pain was progressively absorbed by resentment. She had disemboweled him with betrayal, and he couldn't remember the last time he felt so lonely. He still loved her, but it was like someone had poisoned this love, and the venin was running through his veins.

************

It was an usual and dreary morning. No interesting cases, no Izzie's comeback. Most of all, he couldn't stand no more painful looks from his friends and tried to stay focused on work, the bittersweet souvenir of Izzie haunting Seattle Grace's hallways. And there was a small voice in his head saying that he must had done something to tear them apart. God, this was not going to stop, he was still the one who failed in every relationship.

"It's all in my head" he said, trying to convince himself. There was no way his crappy life was going to interfere on his work. He worth better than that, and he knew it. But the constant recollection of Izzie's presence was hard to dismiss. So he was doing his best, suturing, running tests, attempting to save a burning patient that was already dead… everything was good to get over this. At the end of the day, he managed to get a real case, with Bailey. He enjoyed working with Bailey because she was not going to intrude into his life. He could

heal patients and stay professional without any suspicious eyes behind his shoulders.

It was kind of a particular case, because the woman they were caring for was Bailey half sister, and Bailey's total opposite. She was pregnant and her pregnancy wasn't going very well and she was treated for many year because of fertility troubles. Most of all, she had lost a baby two years ago and couldn't imagine loosing this one.

"She's pretty stressed, so I want you to do your best to reassure her" observed Bailey before they reached the patients room.

As they approach the room, Alex noticed the silhouette of a woman holding a chart. A familiar silhouette.

"Dr Montgomery" he greeted her

A smile spread across her face "Dr Karev"

She handed him the chart before speaking with the patient:

"Angela, you're in good hands, Dr Bailey , Dr Karev and I are going to do the best to take care of you and your baby. We'll wait until next week to perform a C-section but you're going to stay here, just in precaution. "

As they exited the room, she said to Bailey that she had managed to stay one week in Seattle to take care of Angela and reassured her. It was a difficult case, but Addison has treated plenty of similar ones; she was very confident and Bailey appreciate that. Even if she knew Addison was one of the best neonatal surgeon in the country, she needed to hear that. She left Addison and Alex and went back to her half sister.

Alex looked at Addison with much observation; she was still incredibly beautiful, but something in her eyes seemed changed, like LA had changed her into someone else. Happier, brighter. He stared at her like she was some oxygen, he couldn't watch elsewhere… it was refreshing and he couldn't help himself but kept thinking that there used to share something special.

Alex spent the entire week taking care of Angela. He enjoyed working with Dr Montgomery and it gave him the opportunity to think to something else. To someone else. He talked a lot with Angela, and listened her complaining about his husband behavior. She was really different from her half sister and as much as he hated being her confidant, he was appreciating the distraction. Healing Angela was almost healing him. At least until she asked him one question:

"Dr Karev , are you married?"

"I am. I was… Honestly, I don't know if I've ever been."

Addison was going to enter but, as she heard his words, she stood at the doorframe. Callie told her Karev and Stevens were married and she had heard from Seattle Grace's gossip nurse that she had left him without a formal discussion but she had never questioning him about it. They were quite close, but not enough to interfere into his life. She didn't want to interrupt them and decide it was better to come back later.

"You don't know if you're married?"

" It's complicated…"

"So, explain me."

"I can't… Listen, I know you wanna help but… talking is not my thing… so…"

"She cheated on you, that's it…" she assumed

Alex didn't say anything back. He had never occurred to him that she may had cheated on him. Never. If there was something he was 100 percent sure about Izzie, it was fidelity. But Angela had planted a seed. He was now wondering if she could possibly have left him for someone else.

At the end of the day Alex kept thinking of Angela's hypothesis. What was he supposed to think? A fading memory lingered on his mind and was blowing his sense. He remembered the Denny episode, the way she felt in love so quickly with him. He sat on a bed in an on call room and shut his eyes, shutting off any life next to him. He heard the door open but he kept his eyes closed, as his life depended on it. A mysterious shiver awakened his sense as she sat next to him.

"Alex, I…"

"Don't. Please don't say anything condescending." He ask her.

"I wasn't going to. I'm just here, if you want to… talk to someone"

"I don't know why everyone keep asking me this… like talking would bring her back home…" he said in his usual Karev harsh tone.

"Okay, maybe this wasn't a good idea…" she said as she stood up.

He grabbed her hand to make her stay. Surprised, she looked at him and realized he had opened his eyes, which was almost pleading. A long silence filed the air before he said:

"Do you think love can fade away?"

She sat down, took a deep breath before answering

"We love, we try to be happy and sometimes we just failed. But that don't mean we have to lose faith… because, even if it's hard and painful, I honestly don't believe that we can live without love. So yes, love can fade fade away, even if you try to make things work… but sometimes you can fight and… get your lover back."

"I don't know if I want her back"

"You don't want or you're afraid of?"

He look at her and smile. It seems like ages since he haven't smile to someone.

"Alex, It's okay to be scared… "

"Yeah… I don't know what I feel about this… It's been six months, you know"

"I know, she owe you an explanation, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you anymore."

"It will never be the same, we didn't have a chance to live our marriage… "

He was on the verge of crying, his voice trembling, his hand shaking. He was using his last energy to not break in front of her. To not break at all. She reached for his hand, holding tight to it, trying to mark her skin in his palm. It seemed to comfort him, but they were in an awkward position: she was in Seattle since 6 days and they were acting like they were friends for ages. And Addison couldn't deny the butterflies running through her stomach when she was next to him. Those same butterflies she had buried 2 years ago when she had left Seattle. It was definitely not a symptom of a friendly relationship. Her brain old her to run, but she couldn't fight the butterflies. They sat here for a while, not saying a word, not looking at each other, just holding hands.

**********

The next morning Addison performed the C-section on Angela. The surgery went well, both the baby and his mother were healthy and Addison told a nurse she could announce the good news to Bailey. When she was scrubbing out with Alex, an awkward silence weigh down the atmosphere. They hadn't speak a lot to each other since their last on call room moment, avoiding the fact that both of them had felt something. Addison was quite sure she still felt something for Alex Karev but couldn't imagine he felt something back for her. He was another man, he had grown up since the "you're not my girlfriend" incident, and he cared about his wife now. He was married;and this was supposed to made her stop thinking about him.

"You're gonna leave" he mumbled suddenly

"Ye… Yeah… I mean, my work here is done"

"I guess it is"

"You guess?"

"Forget it" he whispered before drying his hands.

"No, tell me, what do you mean by "I guess""

"Not here" he said, opening the door. "Let me buy you a drink tonight at Joe's… "

"Yeah, Joe's sounds good" was all she could respond.

Alex didn't know what to think. This week with Addison seemed to have awakened him from a long nightmare. She was the only one he wanted to talk with, the only one he wanted to spend time with. She was the best cure to his loneliness. He hadn't forget Izzie, because some part of his heart was still burning from deception, but Addison's presence, her words, her gesture, calmed him. He didn't want to lose that. Since Izzie left, he was drawing into a darkened world and it was like he could only be saved by her light. He didn't want to lose her, even if he had no right to ask her to stay.

He sat at the bar and ordered a beer. He didn't know what he was going to say to her. How was he supposed to explain what he feel if he didn't really know what was going on in his heart. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't heard her sat next to him.

"I know I'm late" she said, smiling "But I don't know why telling goodbye is so hard"

"No problem. I was figuring out what I'm gonna say to you"

She seemed a little scared. She hadn't really prepared herself to whatever he was going to tell her. He leaned closer to her, staring at her beautiful azure eyes.

"I just wanted to thank you" he said in a soft tone.

He was so close to her that his words seemed to caress her cheek.

"You have nothing to thank me for" she whispered

"You save me, you save me in a way that I didn't expect to be save. With you, I begin to smile, I begin to live again. It was great working with you…"

"a… Alex…"

"No listen to me because I you stop me now I don't know if I'll be able to continue. It was great working with you, but it was also amazing to talk to you, because you didn't treat me like I was a complete idiot, you didn't speak to me like a victim… It was more than refreshing, it was a…" he paused, not sure of what he was about to say.

"Alex… I… I don't know what to say. I… I really like working with you this week and, it was really nice to… be with you."

She didn't expect this. It completely shot her heart down and she felt trapped in his brown piercing eyes. Her confidence faded away, she was magnetized by him. She was wondering how could Izzie Stevens had possibly let him alone. He was so different from the guy who dumped her. He was the man she thought he could be. Her hand started to caress his cheek and he leaned to kiss her. She shopped him by placing her other hand in his chest.

"Alex… I can't. I can't. I'm sorry. You're in love with you wife and you're upset because she'sgone… I don't want to be your spare… "

His face showed deception. He thought he probably felt relieved if she stopped him, because that would mean he still love Izzie, but the feeling that was consuming him was the urgent need to feel her lips against his.

"Most of all" She continued "If you kiss me I don't know if I'll be able to leave"

This immediately lifted his hopes up. As she began to walk away, he grabbed her waist and kissed her. Like his life deepened on it. And she kissed him back, because the subtle feeling of his lips against hers shut off her brain.

When they finally pulled away for some air, she looked at him... her eyes bretaying her surprise.

"What... what as that for? I just said you I didn't want you to kiss me... you just can't do what I said... you're always acting like a stubborn child with me..." she teased, trying to mask the fact that she felt so shaken by this kiss.

"Well, Old habits die hard" he smiled

"I'm gonna miss you, Alex, but I have to go, I have a plane to catch".

So she left, leaving him utterly physically and emotionally alone.

Meredith had just witnessed the interaction between Addison and Alex and grabed the opportunity to talk to her friend.

"Don't you dare lie to me and tell that you don't like her?" she said as she approach him

"I don't" he said, still looking at teh door

"Oh my god" Meredith exclaimed. "Clearly you do"

_Okay, so.. just tell me what you think about it... should I continue?_


End file.
